


Narcissa and the Filthy Grandbabies

by falconpie, JLPierre, thewaterfalcon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternative Perspective, Crack, Drug Use, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Kidnapping, Mental Breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 20:45:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10952409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falconpie/pseuds/falconpie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JLPierre/pseuds/JLPierre, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewaterfalcon/pseuds/thewaterfalcon
Summary: A/NThis is both the love child and unwanted bi-product of Irn Bru and Pepsi and we're delighted to have you here!Leave us your thoughts, which we are sure are plentiful!We hope you enjoy!Lots of love Falconpie.





	Narcissa and the Filthy Grandbabies

 

* * *

**Narcissa and the Filthy Grandbabies**

_**From the deranged minds of thewaterfalcon & PierreJ92** _

* * *

"You summoned, m'lady," James says, bowing, as he and Sirius enter the drawing room.

Narcissa is pacing before the fireplace, "I need you to do me a favour."

Sirius sniggers as he turns to James, "And there was me thinking that _this_ is a favour."

Narcissa pauses in her strides as she turns on her heels to meet their eyes, "I need you to steal something for me," her hand raises to silence them before they object, "it is dangerous and unruly, I am aware it is not in your _job description_ , but I trust no one else with this."

The two men exchange a look as they await the details of the task.

"I wish for you to steal my son and daughter-in-law's...puppies," Narcissa said as if she had just asked them to make her a sandwich. "They are the closest things I will have to grandchildren and they need to meet their grandmother."

Sirius and James simply blink at Narcissa for a moment, their looks both incredulous at her words.

"I mean... are you like _tapped_?" Sirius says as he looks at her, "I mean, seriously, you been checked out… in the mental department? Because stealing anyone's ' _puppies'_ is not like normal behaviour, y'know that… Right? I mean or, should I be more worried than I am? 'Cause, not gonna lie, I'm kinda shit scared right now."

James nods in agreement with Sirius, "Just cause they have pets don't mean you won't have human grandkids if this is what that is about, cause you cray cray girl. They're little puppies, sweet little four-legged friends." James winks at Sirius who dismisses the look.

"You don't understand," Narcissa groans, clearly exasperated. She flicks her hair over her shoulder in a melodramatic way before sinking into the leather armchair that has seen better days, "no one has visited me in weeks. If they are here, running around, then they'll visit. They will have too."

"I think that has more to do with you being mental and tapped, than the fact they have puppies, bro," Sirius comments as the woman narrows her eyes; he raises his hands, "Just saying."

James nods, "Plus what are we? _Fucking owls_? We are here everyday!"

"Through menial work, not choice," Narcissa mumbles.

Sirius sighs loudly, "Trust me, there is some choice involved. I could _CHOOSE_ to be homeless, but here I am."

"I think she means -"

"- I know what she means, man, chill Prongs," Sirius says. "So, we steal these puppies and then what? You live happily ever after with your son and daughter-in-law? Cause let me tell you something, Elsa, that isn't how family works."

"Well," Narcissa smiles wickedly. "They either visit or their beloved children will be with me, forever."

James rolls his eyes, "Love, you couldn't even keep a fish alive never mind lots of needy dogs. I mean, I am surprised your son survived."

Narcissa shoots him a look, "If they aren't visited, they won't be in their disgusting animal form. They'll be somewhere where I can take care of them, show them off and adore them without needing morons like you two around."

Sirius feigns insult as James folds his arms.

"Just steal the blasted things and come back here. Promptly, I shall add! I am not one for tardiness. The greatest coat the Wizarding World has ever seen is positively _begging_ to be created."

James grabs ahold of Sirius as the two move to leave the room.

"Mate, we can't be seriously considering this? Kidnapping puppies to make into a coat?! She's mad as a fucking hatter."

"What choice have we got, either the puppies get it, or we do. I'm sure she'd love a Padfoot coat to wear whilst admiring her mounted Prongs antlers."

"Fair point, so what's the plan?"

* * *

Three Months Earlier

_Sirius is busy tightening the window when he feels something scurry across his foot. He looks down slowly, and sees the tiny animal resting on his sock._

" _AHHHHH!"_

" _Pads! PADS!" James shrieks, rushing into see a little rat looking at him from his friends foot. "AHH!"_

" _GET THIS BLOODY BASTARD PETTIGREW LOOKING THING OFF MY FOOT!" Sirius shrieks as his hands begin flapping in the air like wings._

_James dashes over, bravery flowing through him as he grabs the rat and stares it down. He remembered a lot about rodents from his childhood dream of being someone who took care of magical creatures and knew immediately that the Pettigrew-looking-bastard wasn't a Pettigrew at all._

" _Um, mate?" James says shiftily as his friend was still shuddering. "Pettigrew, ain't a Pettigrew."_

" _Right?" Sirius says, clearly not bothered by this fact._

_James turns the animal to face his friend still gripping in his hand, "It's a Pettigrewine."_

" _Mate, this is no good. We're living in literal squalor, maybe we should take that job offer."_

" _I dunno man, she's apparently a few lacewings short of a potion."_

" _What choice have we got?"_

_[end of flashback]_

* * *

"James."

"Yeah," James breathes, "I'm not sure I like this."

"Those aren't puppies, James."

"No mate, they aren't puppies and they're-AHHHHHHHHH!"

Sirius watches, mouth hanging open, as one of the definitely-not-a-puppy puppies chases James from the large grassy paddock.

 _This is proof,_ Sirius thinks as he watches James clutch the arse of his trousers, which appear to have a plume of steam arising from them, _that Narcissa really has lost it._

* * *

"WHATCHA MEAN YOU LET MY BABIES GO!"

Sirius looks at her, "Cissa, not entirely sure you are aware but.. They're not puppies...they're fucking _dragons_."

James nods, "They spit fire bro, the hole in the arse of my jeans is proof enough of that! I ain't wrestling with no fire-breathing little bitch again, for a coat."

Narcissa glares down at them, "Get me MY grandchildren or so help me Merlin I will skin you and make a pair of boots out of you!"

Sirius slowly smirks, "I think I'd make a better hat -"

"- GET OUT!"

"Someone is _pissssy!"_ James muttered as the two hurried out of the drawing room.

"Yeah mate, _Pissy Cissy."_

* * *

"Brooooo." Sirius turns around to see James removing his glasses, powder all around his nose. "I can fucking see man, oh my goddddd!"

"Prongs…" Sirius says worryingly. "What have you done?"

James launches across the room, grabbing Sirius by the scruffs of his jacket as he tried to stare at him, "Bro, this stuff… This potent, powder right, this yeah?" James shakingly shows him the bottle in his hand. "It is… MINDBLOWING. Mind-blowing."

"You… Y-you sniffed this?" Sirius snapped.

"Bro, I saved you some."

"Mate, that's dragon eggs, like mashed up… Like, you've just sniffed dragon eggs." James processes this for a moment as does Sirius and a grin begins to spread over the two men's faces. "Oh My God, Prongs, gimme some."

James sniffs a large quantity and the high is immediate, the two look around as the room contorts and grows in colour. Dull shades begin to blossom to bright pinks and Sirius fails to remember a high as strong as this.

"Fucccck."

"Right?" James hisses as Sirius turns to see him floating past him, nothing supporting him. "Wheeeeeeeeeee!"

"I wanna go!" Sirius said stamping his foot before he finds himself unable to touch the ground and he stares over at James and grabs his foot. "I'll race you around the room!"

"YOU my _four legged friend,_ are on!" James hisses and the two begin paddling their arms as if they were swimming.

The two of them were blissfully unaware of Narcissa watching from the door as the two men she had hired looked like fish out of water on her expensive egyptian rug. She wondered what kind of morons she had hired to help her steal something as important as her grandchildren.

* * *

This attempt would be better. It had to be.

Sirius had decided to attempt to undo the wards meaning that it would be far easier to not disturb the inhabitants of the home. James however, had the patience of a cheetah wanting its prey and decided to allow the lightbulb moment to take over his normal conscious. James wished with all he had in him that he had some of that dragon egg powder to hand, he could imagine how well this particular task would go if they were as calm as they were when they were fixing chandeliers and windows.

With the speed of a Seeker, he swiftly turned around to grab the nearest one to him as he lifted it up to face him, "Gotcha you little shit-AHHH!" His hand letting go of the dragon as his arm began to pulsate. "This is not good, THIS IS _NOT_ GOOD!"

Sirius looks over, his friend's arm suddenly growing twice its size as he tramples over the garden before jumping over the wooden fence to James. " _Do not pick them up_ , I say, what does he do? Pick them up. _They have teeth_ , I say, the teeth bite him. _Don't scream or make loud noises,_ I say, so what does James- _genius_ -Potter go and do? He screams the bloody town down," Sirius mumbles the entire way until he gets to James.

The man is close to sobbing, tears falling down his cheeks, whilst his arm looks close to something that has its own heart and waste disposal system. They are suddenly alerted to a light coming on in the house in front of them.

"Shit," Sirius hissed. "This, will not be pretty."

"Do _not_ apparate me, Pad-FOOT!"

The two of them swirling from the ground as they sucked through space and air before landing on the grass of the Manor gardens. The arm that was once red and inflamed suddenly getting a darker colour - close to something in one of those Muggle extraterrestrial films.

"Fuck, this is _most definitely, not_ good."

James looks up at him, whimpering, as Sirius tries to plaster a smile over his face as he pulls his best friend close as he leads him towards the house.

* * *

There was nothing quite like the rage that would fall upon them - or in Sirius' case, _him._ He stood tall as the woman entered the room, her robe billowing behind her exactly like a villain from a book.

"Are you both telling me, that you let them get away, AGAIN?"

"Well," Sirius shifted awkwardly on the balls of his feet, "James sort of got bit."

"Bit?"

"Yeah, not sure _how_ exactly, but one of them bit his arm...and…"

"And?" Narcissa drew herself up to her full height as she looked at him with an imposing air.

"Well...he's having a lie down...because his arm is sort of-"

"SORT OF WHAT?!"

"...purple."

"Wh- what do you mean _his arm is sort of purple?"_

"Look, go see for yourself, but he now resembles half a red cabbage." Sirius's face was beginning to also resemble said cabbage as he struggled to maintain his composure and not buckle under his clear desire to burst out laughing.

"I'd rather not," she drawled, "it sounds repulsive."

"Oh, it is!" Sirius replied, not caring to hide the glee in his voice.

"I expect him to be better for the next...attempt?"

Sirius shrugged in response. "I mean, he might not be up for it, not-"

"DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE WHAT EITHER OF YOU DIMWITS ARE _UP FOR_? I CARE ABOUT MY GRANDCHILDREN!"

Sirius placed both his hands in front of him, palms facing the ceiling as he mimicked a set of scales. "Grandchildren...Dragons...Grandchildren...Sure, same difference."

* * *

Sirius is surprised, it _might_ actually work this time.

"So I read about this..."

Sirius rubs the bridge of his nose as he grimaces at the idea that James has read something in a book.

"...potion, that can knock a troll out. So, my thoughts are," James says, beginning to get giddy.

Sirius slowly begins to smile, tuning out his friend as he exclaims, "We can sprinkle it around them, boom!"

James crosses his arms, "I was just about to say that," his bottom lip firmly out as he began to sulk.

"This, _this could actually work!_ "

James narrows his eyes, "Well, _yes_."

"By Merlin! I, am brilliant!" Sirius exclaims as he massages James' shoulders.

"Well, actually -" James begins.

"Get me the sacks," Sirius continues, ignoring his friend, "we've got some _puppies_ to catch."

* * *

_"So, your mum..."_

_"Please, Hermione... Don't say it."_

_Hermione looks perplexed, "Your mum has tried to steal out dragons because... she wants to make a coat?"_

_"Oh God, you said it," Draco groaned._

_"I mean... she has enough gold to bankrupt Gringott's, she could buy a dragon coat."_

_Draco rubs his face, "Apparently, she wants her grandchildren close with her."_

_Hermione looks even more confused, "But... they're dragons."_

_Draco sighs heavily as he looks at her, "I think... THINK she is having some sort of breakdown."_

_"YA THINK?" She says, astonished._

" _To be fair, she wasn't exactly a full bag of galleons when I last saw her, but she may have lost a few more sickles since then."_

_Hermione folds her arms, cocking her eyebrow up for him to continue, "Draco… she has our dragons."_

" _To be fair-"_

" _If you say 'to be fair' one more time Draco Fucking Dead Malfoy-"_

" _I am quite aware she has our dragons… You know, since they aren't outside, and all." Draco meets Hermione's eyes and can feel the ice thickening inside of her ready to freeze him to death. "I'll sort it."_

" _Yeah, of course you will," Hermione bitterly muttered, leaving the kitchen as she grabbed her coat before heading towards the fireplace._ "Brightest fucking witch and I marry a moronic idiot with a basket case for a mother."

* * *

The two of them trudge up the long pebbled drive, a sack thrown over each shoulder and an annoyance over both their faces at their un-thought-out plan. Sirius had thought of the space they would need, which was the exact reason why he provided two extendable enchantments on the sacks. What neither of them had thought of was the featherweight charm and by the time they had wrestled the many dragons into the sacks, their time was near up.

The silence of the night was creating tension between them, neither speaking out of fear of someone catching them. It was the precise reason why Sirius heard the noise of a waking dragon and James, who had clearly heard the same, dropped his bag immediately and backed away.

"Fuck's sake, Prongs! You, are supposed to be a lion!"

James shook his head, "No mate, I'm a human and apparently to those little bastards I am food."

Sirius rolled his eyes, moving over to grab the bag before any of the blighters escaped. "You do have a flare for the dramatics."

James coughed in surprise, "Is this coming from you? _Don't let me get my hair wet, cast the charm so I don't get wet James, my hair - my precious hair."_

"I _do not_ sound like that," Sirius snarled as he continued their walk up to the manor.

He could hear his friend snigger and for a moment he honestly contemplated if he sounded like that. Sirius could remember vividly speaking those words, but he was sure that his tone was a lot deeper.

"We can't fall out, that is what the she-devil wants," Sirius eventually said slowing down his pace to stand beside his friend. "We've been through far worse than this. A little dragon kidnapping is nothing to running around with a werewolf."

James slowly smiled, "We _cannot_ tell Moony about this!"

"Agreed!"

The two of them reached the edge of manor's entrance when the double doors swung open and the witch in question stepped forward. Sirius had to bite back a laugh, as the woman descended into the moonlight dressed in a full gown and face of makeup - she looked as though she was going out for dinner, not meeting some dragons she had ordered them to kidnap from her son.

"My grandbabies!" Her voice shrieked, her hands beckoning for the sacks that Sirius gladly handed to her, not guilty at all as she nearly fell forward from the weight of them. "They - they seem so heavy."

James smirked as Sirius stood beside him. "Well Cissa, that would be because there are more than a _few_ puppies in there."

"Try a fucking collection of them," Sirius chimed in. "Actually, what about a fucking farm of tiny fire-breathing little devils that have a thirst for handsome and a desire to burn."

Narcissa looked at them as if they were both stupid, "You survived, didn't you?" She hissed as she glared. "Now," her hand beckoning them into her home, "Hurry up, will you, I want cuddles with my children."

She swanned into the house leaving the two sacks on the floor as Sirius groaned.

"That one is fucking barbaric."

James sniggered, "Are we even sure she's on this planet anymore?"

* * *

Sirius pulls out a piece of parchment, scribbling down the number of dragons in each section. If they were going to be dealing with a loose cannon like Narcissa Malfoy they needed to have information at her disposal to keep track of them. He looks up to re-count when he sees something that not only astounds him, but makes him feel like a teenager again.

"Oh My fucking God Prongs, look. _LOOK_!"

James rushes over and sees what Sirius is sniggering at as the two find their eyes widening in happiness, "No _fucking_ way."

"BRO... IT'S _DRAGON PORN!"_ Sirius starts bobbing his head in the time of the male dragon's advances on the female dragon. An excitement is bubbling inside of him - one he wasn't sure he should be feeling at watching two animals getting freaky, but he indulges all the same. " _Get it dragon, get it dragon, it's your birthday, it's your birthday_ -"

James begins trying to find the same beat, moving his head in time with Sirius' as he starts to mouth a long before increasing his own volume to join in. The two of them are chanting before they know it, doing a synchronized dance to go along with it.

" _Go dragon, it's your birthday, get the other dragon 'cause it's your birthday_!"

* * *

"So, what ones go together?"

"Well, there are apparently four separate living areas, but they all sort of socialise together."

James takes a deep breath. "Of course they fucking do."

"Look at this one, right moody fucker."

James's gaze follows Sirius's pointed finger, to a dragon that was almost entirely black. "He looks like he's thinking up ways to murder us."

"He looks...greasy!"

"What's his name," James asks, frowning at the creature. Its face was strange, and would almost look more appropriate on a sloth, or perhaps a bat.

"Snape," apparently.

" _Snape?_ What kind of a name is that?"

Sirius shrugged, "There's another one somewhere called Lockhart, and see that one?" he points again, this time towards a dragon that was somewhat larger in stature than the others, that also seemed to have grown what resembled a bushy beard of some sort, "his name is Hagrid."

James met Sirius's eyes and he noticed his best friend's trademark _about-to-laugh_ tendencies. "Hagrid the big bearded dragon, who'd have thought it!"

* * *

"Now, now, Ernie you stop batting your tail at Crabbe!" Narcissa chuckles to herself as she sprinkles flakes down to the dragons before swanning out singing a melody to herself.

"Why are you being so," James gestures, vaguely towards the witch, "you know, creepy and mother-ish...if all you plan on doing is turning them into a coat?"

"Shut up, idiot!" Narcissa snaps as she covers the ears of the nearest dragon - one who had arrived wearing a bowler hat of all things, firmly stuck to his head; his name, they had learnt, was Fudge, "they'll hear you!"

Sirius and James extend a look as Narcissa swans out of the room. The two unsure of what they had just seen and if they could ever be normal again.

"That bitch is crazy," Sirius says as soon as she is out of earshot.

James raises his brow, "Ya kno' what I mean!"

"I mean, I'm not sure I can unsee that shit," Sirius mutters, shaking his head in disgust. "She's like…"

" _Obsessed_?" James finished and Sirius nods, turning his attention back to the dragons. "Oh shit, shit, look! Those two are doing it again!"

" _Sicccck_!" Sirius mutters, long forgetting the odd display from his boss.

James looks down at one of the dragon's that is staring up at him purposefully, "Padfoot? This dragon… it is looking at me like I know it."

"Don't be a fucking weirdo, Prongs. How could any of the dragons possibly know you?"

James shakes his head, an unsettling feeling growing inside of him as he lifts the board with their names on. "Harry," he mumbled as he stares down at the dragon, his head tilting to the side. "Harry, the Dragon."

"Oh, that one," Sirius chuckles as he comes over and slaps James on the back. "That little bastard tried to bite the Draco one's head off. He's a right little fighter. The ' _Chosen Dragon',_ he was apparently Hermione's favourite, him and that bright orange one, over there."

James frowns, "Did Narcissa's son really name a dragon after himself?"

Sirius rolls his eyes, "The lot of them are mad. Of course he did. His name literally means Dragon. Like, could you be anymore of a _t w a t_ to name an animal after yourself?"

"That Hermione is quite alright, too," James mutters as Sirius nods. "So why is the Harry one her favourite?"

Sirius shrugs, "Something about trying to disfigure a three headed dog and a snake that had attempted to break into the zoo."

"He took on a snake?"

Sirius shrugged, "Yeah, ripped his head clean off. Then he found the Draco one and got a little... _frisky."_

"So Harry is with Draco?"

"Naah," Sirius laughed. "He's the chosen one, he gets them all."

James eyes widened at the thought, seeing the old, decrepit dragon at the back named Dumbledore and shuddered at the image. James decided he wasn't going to meet the eyes of that particular dragon for a long time.

* * *

"Do we seriously have to use their names?" James queries, arching one brow at Sirius.

"Fuck knows, mate, but I imagine the answer is probably a resounding _YES_ from the crazy bitch."

"I'ved tried, Pads, and it's just weird, they don't even have remotely normal names; one of them is called fucking Neville!" James exclaims.

"Yep, the horny one."

"Who the hell calls a dragon _Neville?!"_

Sirius looks deep in thought for a moment. "Probably the same person that called a dragon Slughorn," he says, seriously.

"Pads, man, this is getting too much."

" _Now_ it's too much?"

"Yeah! It is, because Neville just started to hump Slughorn!"

Sirius's eyes widen. "I thought he wanted Pansy!?"

"They had to be separated, remember?"

"Well, yeah, but I expected better of Neville is all, he didn't seem the type."

"Didn't- didn't _seem the type,_ Padfoot, will you listen to yourself?!"

Sirius breaths a sigh through his nose, "Alright man, I get it... I just- Oh, Nev mate, take a hint, he doesn't want your D!"

* * *

"Would Seamus like some stoat for his lunch? Yes? I bet he does!" Narcissa coos.

Sirius and James extend a look. Sirius has to hide his mouth with his hand as James tried to bite down on his lip.

"What _do you two_ find so amusing?" Narcissa asks, coldly.

James sniggers and his cheeks puff out as he tries to contain his laughter. Sirius stares at his friend and tries to find some strength in him to look her in the eyes.

"Well," Sirius begins as James lets out a squeak, "I think, Seamus…wants a little more than stoat." James begins to breathe heavily, the occasional squeak coming out of him more frequently as Narcissa raises her brow. "Oh fuck, you are really going to make me say this…"

"Patience, is not a virtue I possess, Sirius," the woman hisses.

"I imagine what you fail to possess, you crazy bat, would fill several libraries," James muttered under his breath.

Sirius licks his lips and takes a deep breath, "Seamus, likes it from Dean...in all the ways that are possible for dragons to have it…" James immediately erupts into laughter as Sirius feels the sting of tears and only further added by Narcissa's confusion. Sirius sighs, smirking as he raised his two hands, making a circle with his left with his thumb and index finger as he enters the index finger on his right hand into the whole. "Seamus is a gay dragon, babe. Yeah, he's gay all the way into the dragon sky for Dean."

James at this falls to the floor, unable to contain himself any longer as Sirius' legs begin to shake from needing to laugh as Narcissa's mouth falls open and a disgusted expression spreads out over her usual cold face. "No…" she begins as Sirius continues to thrust his finger in and out of the circle. "YOU DIRTY GRANDBABIES! Filth! Utter filth! Shame on you!"

At this, Seamus, who was hunting for Dean opens his mouth at Narcissa and a fireball is sent her way as Sirius begins to chuckle.

"And he's just come, fucking brilliant."

Narcissa turns towards him as he is unable to stifle the laughter anymore, her brows missing from her face.

"Um," Narcissa says as Sirius comes over, her fingers wiggling in the direction of a limping dragon with something growing from the back of his head. "What is… wrong with that one?"

Sirius smirked, "Well, that one is rather _odd._ He has another dragon growing out of the back of his head."

"He has _what?_ "

"Another dragon," Sirius says louder, missing that her question was rhetorical. "Some odd thing happened and the Voldey one combined with the Quirrell one and now… Boom."

Narcissa looked at him with utter displeasure. "Boom?"

Sirius claps his hands together, "They're two in the same body."

She looks at the dragon as it turns to look at her properly and she sees the two pairs of ugly eyes upon her, "Oh My God, it's -"

"Freaky as fuck, I know!" Sirius laughs. "He is the one that was the most difficult to get." Narcissa looks uneasy for the explanation but he misses this as he continues. "He kind of… stinks of garlic and, well, he had this thing wrapped around his head and James removed it - 'cause, well, he's James - and then we unearthed that ugly bastard."

"I see," Narcissa says, turning her nose up.

"I wouldn't put him in your coat."

Narcissa hates that she agrees with him, "Yes… Perhaps that one can just... I don't know, be left out?"

Sirius shrugs, "Not like he's alone, ba-boom-dsch." Narcissa groans as she walks away and leaves Sirius laughing at his own joke.

* * *

BOOM!

"What in the-?" Sirius and James share a look of shock as another loud crash erupts from somewhere on the floor above.

"MOTHER!"

The owner of the voice is undeniable and Sirius and James collectively gulp as they brace themselves to face the wrath of a, by the sounds of, incredibly pissed off Draco Malfoy.

"Draco! Darling, what a surprise, I wasn't expect-"

"WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS?!"

Sirius and James simply listen, glued to the spot, wands in hand. There wasn't much point in beginning to clean the dragon's cages now.

"Draco, there's no need to be so rash, we can sit down and discuss th-."

"NO NEED TO BE RASH?! ARE YOU OFF YOUR FUCKING HEAD YOU CRAZED MOOSHROOM!?"

Sirius and James hear hurried footsteps overhead and a number of doors no doubt being flung open and then slammed. "What the fuck do we do?" Sirius hisses.

"Hide?" James ventures with a shrug.

"As good idea as any," Sirus replies, leading the pair into a shadowy corner, _just in time,_ he thinks to himself, as he hears Draco's thunderous footsteps begin to make their way downstairs, towards them.

"Well well well," Draco says, as he lays his eyes on the dragons, "you were keeping them in _here?"_

"They're perfectly fine," Narcissa replies, a snap audible in her tone.

"THEY'RE IN A BASEMENT ABOUT TO BE MADE INTO A COAT!"

"Well, Darling, that's...certainly an opinion, and one we can talk about at a-"

"If you think I'm going to _talk_ about anything with you, you're more mental than I ever gave you credit for."

"Draco," Narcissa begins, a look of desperation swiftly crossing her features, "I just think you should sit down, remember how you used to sit...on my knee."

"One. More. Word. _Mother",_ he hisses the word as if poison, "and you'll get a fucking arrow through the knee!"

Narcissa places her hands on her hips, "I am your mother! Show me some damn fucking respect."

Draco stares down at her, towering over her as he glares into her silver eyes, "Respect, is fucking earned mother! And! For the record, stealing animals is not a way of doing that, you know - just incase you have fucking lost it!"

Narcissa watches as her son approaches the den's, sweet words coming from him as he calms the animals immediately. She watches with perplexion as Draco places a dome on the floor that begins to glow an odd pearl colour.

"Draco…" Narcissa begins but stops as she watches her beloved Grandchildren hop on and vanish before her eyes.

"Modified Port-Key. Hermione, you know the woman I married who _isn't_ a delusional basket case, is brilliant. She created this," Draco said proudly as he turned to face his mother. "I don't know what being alone has done to you, Mother, but you _cray."_

Narcissa's shoulders dropped, "I just wanted family around…"

"In the form of a coat? A coat, a material item will not bring you joy!" Narcissa begrudgingly nodded at his words as he slowly began to smile. "A real, human child would."

Her eyes brightened as she looked up to meet his gaze, beginning to feel excited.

"Shame you'll be committed before that happens! SYKE!" Draco sniggers and touches his ring as the last dragon hops onto the dome, "In a bitch, _Mother_! Pow Pow!" And they vanish from sight, leaving Narcissa alone, once more, with her two employees sniggering in the corner.


End file.
